sometimes i forget that people don't know me. I've lived in this body for so long, been inside of this mind, walked my own streets--that I forget to tell people who I am. No one here knows that I was composing music when I was 10, that I actually do know what I'm talking about. They don't know my history. Which is, in part, my fault for not telling them. But also should be something that doesn't necessitate history.

It's funny to me when people try to teach me about the things that I've studied, or lived, that are so second nature to me that I don't even speak them. That's probably part of my problem--I've gotten tired of so many topics that I don't even venture an opinion. I already know what I think, and so I don't even say anything. Which means people can translate my silence however they feel.

Perhaps silence is, in the end, my problem. I don't feel the need to tell anyone that I'm going to go clean the back porch, or that I'm updating the Facebook page, or that I'm filing the patient's charts, or that I'm whateverwhateverwhatever. I don't always know what to voice and what not to--why do you need to know that I'm going to wait until after I eat to do my dishes? Or that I'm setting up the stage lighting right now, with no one on stage, so that the levels will be right for when someone gets to the stage? These things all seem intuitive to me. Of course I'm turning the lights off--the lights don't stay on when no one is on stage. I'm learning, though, that these things are not intuitive to most people. And so they don't get what you're doing, and ask you overandoverandover what you're doing. Drives me effing nuts.

Anyways, bottom line, people don't really know me here. Rephrase: people don't know my history. There are people here who know me. Just, don't know a lot lot lot of stuff about me. Where I come from. But people view you how they want to in the end, don't they? So you don't need to know that I told off a mafia Don or used to draw all the effing time or write poetry about Plato because I think he's the greatest philosopher ever or that I know about cadence and rhythm because I studied it for years and years and years. You'll either think I'm a hack or not, based on your perception. And, for the most part, that's alright with me.