i'm feeling out of place. Pretty much everywhere.
What I really want to do, honestly, is get a nice studio apartment and settle down into work+life. I think I have the ability to cocoon myself, somewhat. Except that wouldn't be fulfilling and for some odd reason the whole concept of living a Comfortable life scares the crap out of me. I think I just don't want to live a life of quiet desperation. Or simply live passively. I want to keep myself moving and growing and changing so that I'm actually living.
So, I'm going into this art community thing. Where every Sunday we open up the floor so that anyone can express themselves in whatever way they feel. But I haven't been around a lot so, apparently, my nickname is "The Elusive One." And, I've always been a watcher at first--I absorb and am quiet in new situations around new people, which isn't necessarily conducive to what's going on here. Oh well, I am who I am just as much as these performers are who they are. I am okay with feeling out of place, just not greatly comfortable with all of the jostling I'm receiving.
Tired. Must wake up at 6. Blech.
Sunday, November 22, 2009
in the new:
1) i'm going to try, with another woman, to take over an art space out here. We want to make it more of a community center, create a 501(c)(3), and teach kids how to do art and introduce special needs into the mix. And do something with the older generation, too. And maybe the homeless. And sustainability. We got high hopes.
2) I have a full time job (HOORAY!!!) that I think I'll like. If nothing else, I like the people I work with, and I'm FINALLY getting paid!!!
3) I'm experiencing that, as people get older, they just get married for the sake of not being alone and thinking they can't do any better. Please don't ever let that be the reason I join myself to another human being.
4) I miss my grandpa every day.
5) There are some positive things that came out of his passing (though I'd rather have him here). Among which: I feel like myself again. After a few years of feeling like a stranger in my own skin, the real me has risen to the surface. I have my voice back. I know what I want, where I'm going. Thanks, Grandpa, for that final gift.
6) The next post will not start nearly every sentence with the word "I".
7) Everyone should read Extremely Close and Incredibly Loud. Now. So we can talk about it.
2) I have a full time job (HOORAY!!!) that I think I'll like. If nothing else, I like the people I work with, and I'm FINALLY getting paid!!!
3) I'm experiencing that, as people get older, they just get married for the sake of not being alone and thinking they can't do any better. Please don't ever let that be the reason I join myself to another human being.
4) I miss my grandpa every day.
5) There are some positive things that came out of his passing (though I'd rather have him here). Among which: I feel like myself again. After a few years of feeling like a stranger in my own skin, the real me has risen to the surface. I have my voice back. I know what I want, where I'm going. Thanks, Grandpa, for that final gift.
6) The next post will not start nearly every sentence with the word "I".
7) Everyone should read Extremely Close and Incredibly Loud. Now. So we can talk about it.
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