i've been considering moving for the last two days. The short of it is, I'm tired. But no place has ever felt like home like Hawai'i feels like home. Still, we'll see.

I wonder about love. There's someone that I've been wrapped around for months, with (what I perceive as) no real reciprocation. And so, now that's pau. Ish. Because you can remove your heart to a certain extent, but it's still going to do what it wants to in other respects. Tonight I talked to a man who is incredibly in love, and it made me happy. Just to know that, somewhere out there, there are people that find each other, that make it work, that want nothing more than to be with each other.... That gives me hope.

And, in the end, I love the life that I've been given...

my birthday was perfect. God's present? A lightning storm.

first: my foot hurts.

Second: Church is online today, and I love Tony Campolo and looked him up and Holy Crap The First Sermon On This Page Is Wonderful. Praise God for honest Christians.

poem my first boyfriend read to me.

Your Catfish Friend
by Richard Brautigan
If I were to live my life in catfish forms in scaffolds of skin and whiskers at the bottom of a pond and you were to come by one evening when the moon was shining down into my dark home and stand there at the edge of my affection and think, "It's beautiful here by this pond. I wish somebody loved me," I'd love you and be your catfish friend and drive such lonely thoughts from your mind and suddenly you would be at peace, and ask yourself, "I wonder if there are any catfish in this pond? It seems like a perfect place for them."

i have not been doing the things that make me happy.

In Portland, I would drive an hour just to look at the ocean for a few minutes. Now, I live so close and I only really see it from my lanai. Writing has always been like breathing, and I can feel how stifled my soul is lately. Small, OCD-Dana things have fallen by the wayside, too.

I know why, in some senses. And I know that I need to remember how to sing to my soul again.

new employer=hack.

now to find another job!

p.s. i love the little surprises life throws your way, if you're paying attention.

the greek place down the street might be my favorite place right now. Tonight, got called in as they were closing. They fed me some of their wonderful food, one of the men bought 2 6-packs just because I said I'd like a beer, and I spent over 2 hours with Francois, just talking about life. I think that place was put there by heaven, just for me.

easter

got off to a shaky start. But, had delicious dinner at a friend's apartment with other friends, watched HBO special on slam poetry, and day ended wonderful. Brought new friend along. He's sweet. It's nice to meet good men.

it smells like rain and tea tree. Like Australia.

I miss travel.

Dear Lord

it has been far too long since i've taken time to sit with you. Maybe you have an opinion on all this.

what's with all the crazy killings lately??

The NY deal, the Pittsburgh deal, the crazy dad deal... and then a shooting and a stabbing in Honolulu last week. All that in one week. Not to mention all the reports I'm hearing lately of people being stabbed and killed out here... normally it's pretty safe. It was rated the safest big city in the US this year.

But, everyone's going to crazy in a hand basket, so I guess it's all to be expected...


In a completely unrelated note, a power cord outside my window caught fire on Saturday. I got to call the fire department and everything. Don't worry, no one was hurt.

(btw: photo by my favorite photographer: arno rafael minkkinen. Amazing. Check him out.)

first: i'm going to be an aunt! Garrett and Cami are getting their baby from Ethiopia, little Fikadu. They think he was born on March 13th, and he was abandoned on the street, but he's so big (over 8 lbs) and perfect.

second: we just went to the humane society and I am IN LOVE with the puppies. Especially the big beautiful husky/malimute who wouldn't stop howling, and the little tiny rotweiler puppy who wouldn't stop licking my hand.

third: i went to a poetry slam last night and it was wonderful.

fourth: i need to find a place to live. again.