ani and i had a conversation about loneliness and aloneness—both saying the same thing. In life, you will always be a little lonely (or alone, depending on the word you prefer). No one can ever get inside your head and see the world you do. Hear your thoughts. No one can, in a sense, really know you. And, even surrounded by people, everyone is, in a sense, alone.
I've always gone through stages of removal. Hibernation. Contracted cases of the People Pox. Maybe it helps to sit with loneliness for me. Maybe it's just that I get so wrapped up in my head that I can't begin to communicate in a normal way.
I once wrote "I climb into the cracks on the page to hide." Nowadays, I climb into my computer, into video, into mindless sitcoms I don't even like or blogs of people I don't know. Seeking substance. Seeking beauty. I can't tell you the number of times I've typed "something beautiful" into Google, hoping to pull up art that would resonate with me. I'm so hungry for that feeling. The weirdly fulfilling ache that comes with encountering beauty. It's only because I'm not seeking it in my daily life.
School has sucked the life out of me. Ugh.
1 comment:
ah, yes! "please inspire me" is what I google search for. And you're right, our daily lives should inspire us because life IS beautiful...and it does inspire, until the idea of school sucks it all away. Why is this?
I feel that scholarly pursuits should help rather than thwart our perceptions of beauty around us. This makes me think of a question my professor for "Organizing for Social Change" asked me a few weeks ago. "Can you create change within a system while you're running the system." My answer is no. Running the system would require so much of your time and energy that creating any significant change would require the help of someone other than its administrator. Otherwise, the system would crash without the diligent care it requires. What I'm hoping to illustrate is that because we're in the educational process of observing life and our world, we are vulnerable to overlooking life's simple beauty. I am SO in thesis mode...
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